Family Back In My Life!

A lot of things have been happening, some bad but mostly good. 

First of all, I've been ill quite a lot with chest infections again...no change there! No need to have gone to hospital these last couple of times thank goodness! But still feel infection hasn't fully cleared up again. I've got an appointment at Drs surgery next week 23rd June so I'll tell the Dr how I'm still feeling. I've got a a pre-op 25th June for Carple Tunnel Op which will be on 1st July. Please God 🙏make me be well for the Op as I'm in so much pain in my left hand and arm.

Secondly, I've got my daughter, son and grandchildren and Great grandson back in my life and everything seems to be running smoothly, I do honestly hope it all stays good as I'm loveing every minute of having them in my life. To be honest I think I've been told lies about them why they shouldnt have been in my life for years and unfortunatly I've come to believe them, still all that has passed along with so many years lost. I've looked back at a few things I was told and found them to be lies. But I still can't understand why the rift was there in the first place...baffled still.

3rdly, My grandson Steven will be coming round to help me choose an Urn for some of Berts Ashes ( my Ex-husband's Ashes ) as we both stayed very close and he always made sure I was ok, and took Steven to get my shopping for me when I wasn't able too, even though he re-married over some 20 years ago. God I truely miss that man, not for just what he done for me, but for himself. I loved him dearly but he didn't know that!

Sandra

SAD NEWS

It's been a while since I last wrote here. 

A lot has happened in the last few months. 

I was admitted to hospital a couple of times this year already.

I first went to Queens Hospital Christmas Day and was sent home with meds which didnt help and I got worse.

Then on 27th December I was rushed into RESUS at Queens Hospital with a chest infection, C.O.P.D flare-up, Pneumonia, I also had too much fluid around my heart 🫀and lungs 🫁that had to be drained as the fluid was stopping me from breathing properly, I was sent home after a couple of days without care and no-one around to help me. I really struggled on my own as I could hardly walk because I felt so weak and breathless, I kept vomiting and diarrhoea everything I ate or drank went right through me, I literally hated foods and any kind any drinks even water. It was really scary and I thought the worst. 

The first person I saw was a community nurse 3 weeks later, all she done was BP and blood sugars.

Then I had to call paramedics as I was getting worse they phoned 111 to get new meds, which I thought had done the trick...Not! 

Then, I went along to the Hub in. Hornchurch, they put a canula in my hand and took blood, BP and blood sugars. I was told I've to go back next day to have fluids as I was dehydrated. I went back next day. The Dr was talking to me but I couldn't take in what she was saying, I'm glad my friend Ross was with me she understood what the Dr said. I said can I go home now, Dr said no you've got to go to hospital. I couldnt believe I had to go to hospital. I had to talk to 3 Dr's who told me they're keeping me in. Apparently, I was very ill. I had to many white blood cells, my potassium was very low, blood sugars was sky high, plus I had SEPSIS. 

They gave me loads of meds, tablets, and meds in IV. I couldnt believe what was happening.  

I had a couple of visitors while I was in hospital, Fr.Martin from my church came to see me a couple of times,also my friend Ross who has stuck by me all the time bless her, and my friend Veronica from church who also visited me a few times at home.Veronica came a couple of times with her husband Simon who gave me communion. They also brought me a get well card with everyone's name on which I thought was so sweet. 

SAD NEWS:

Bert my ex-husband passed away 3rd February he was 75 years of age. I knew he was dying for quite a while bless him. Even though I knew this day was coming it was such a shock. He was at my home in the morning, he left me at 2:15pm and was gone at 4:15pm. He had a cardiac arrest.  His funeral was 10th March. R.I.P. Bert

Your forever in my heart

Love you loads. 

Feelings of The Unknown

 I'm feeling fearful for reasons unknown.I'm also feeling lost, another reason unknown.I've got butterflies in my stomach, feeling panic and anxiousness too Why do I feel like this? I'll have read my books again. 'Self Help for Your Nerves! and 'More Self Help for Your Nerves' I swear by both these books written byDr. Claire Weekes. 

Life can be a bitch at times, ya never know How ya going to feel like from day to day. I dont like this lost lonely feeling. Maybe, this happens to people in they're twilight years? The fear of the end creeping up on us. I feel like I dont know whether I'm coming or going or been and went.

Sandra

my feelings of late

I've been feeling stressed and fearful lately, and dont know why. My stomach has been churning over and fear takes over, and my thoughts have been all over the place. It feels like something bad is going to happen and I dont know which way to turn, what is this thing controlling my life?

I've been going to a Psychology group for 4 weeks to help me with these controlling unwanted feelings. I really dont know why I'm feeling like I do, its pathetic and I know it. How do I stop these awful feelings?

Sandra