Lethargic, 13th March, Council

I wasn't too well in myself earlier this morning. It feels like I might have got a chest infection of sorts lurking inside me and I'm feeling lethargic and I feel really down in myself. Yesterday, I made a few phone calls for ? which seemed a waste of time and not getting anywhere. I expect ? will get me to make more phone calls again today for him. ? is worried about today as it is March and, its Friday the 13th which was when he had his first and second Heart Attack. Both Heart Attacks were on 13th March so I understand how he is feeling about today. It is strange that he had both Heart Attacks on the same day of the same month. ? has been dreading this day approaching.  His first Heart Attack was March 13th 2007 and, his last Heart Attack was March 13th 2013.  I think I will have to ring the council today because there is rubbish on my garden and outside on the pavement which isn't mine but, from neighbors across the road which always seem to get to be on my garden. I don't know why people can't keep their rubbish in the bins instead of letting the bins over flow and blow away always outside my house or onto my front garden. It won't be the first time I've rang the council about this problem either, I've told the council several times before.

Good Day's...Bad Day!!

Yesterday was a bad day all round really. I felt really down in myself because ? has been very anxious since going to pain management at Queens Hospital on Thursday and ? was told he has been having Angina Attacks and on the verge of a Heart Attack. Aggression is coming out on him, but the aggression is aimed towards me which I took for a long while before I retaliated back towards ? because I couldn't take no more of this any longer.  It got nasty as I stood up to the aggressive way ? was towards me which made him worse I think and at one point I really thought he was going to hit me but he didn't but, was very threatening towards me. He was very intimidating with his face in my face, patronising and was telling me what to do, going to do verbally bullying me in an aggressive way.  Once all this had died down I wouldn't talk to him and never answered him at all when he spoke to me either, I completely ignored him. I wouldn't mind but, I've made 3 important phone calls for ? today and each time he had tried to put me down patronising me and belittling me.  He has made me feel so bad in myself when there was no apparent reason for him to do this to me. After ? left I over indulged and ate 3 shredded wheat with lashings of milk and sugar which I regretted later! As I said, ? left, then came back later in the evening. He had calmed down and spoke to me nicely as if nothing had happened but, I was quite most of the time. I didn't reply to his picking when I was watching Emmerdale, Coronation Street and Eastenders. ? always throws out insults or says horrible things about a programme I watch on TV which annoys me a lot. I have watched a bit of the programs he watches and I don't say horrible things about them, I just go and watch my own TV in my room... For me however, the outburst had left me in a dreadful state, in an awful mood which it took me all day and evening to calm this awful feeling down within me. The outburst has left me breathless which I have been trying to control before it took hold of me.  Today, I feel more calmer but, still feel breathless and keep coughing as it feels a bit tight breathing because I can't seem to shift the breathlessness. I hate these outbursts, it always brings the worst out in me and I say such awful things I have an acid tongue and it sort of runs out of control And, its not good for ? when this happens especially with his health in his condition.  I do try not to retaliate but, as I said before,  I can only take so much and if I don't retaliate ? or anyone else will  think I'm a push over...and that's not going to happen, no matter what. After all I've got my own illnesses to cope with too. Oh well, good days bad days aye? And, this was a bad day!!

Hospital Appointment and Panic! Horse-Racing, Greyhound Racing

Yesterday, I went with ? for his appointment with pain-management at Queens Hospital and what a palaver ? had finding a parking place, he almost gave up and was going back home when we both spotted a place to park.  ? has been referred back to the Heart specialist as ? is having Angina Attacks and is really bad and his heart is building up fluid too quickly.  The consultant is going to book the appointment himself with the heart specialist and arrange a couple of tests on  ?  heart to have done. The consultant believes the pain and whistling in the left ear and pains in jaw and down left arm and chest is the heart and the dizziness causing the pains. ? has been getting a lot of dizziness lately and feeling generally un-well in himself and has felt he was going to almost pass out at times. ? feels worse than ever now because the consultant told him he could be on the verge of another heart attack. The consultant is also arranging for some injections to be done at his Dr's surgery for the mass on the brain that he gets horrific pains from. On the way home from the Hospital, ? said he was going to have pie-n-mash because it could be his last pie-n-mash so, that's what we did.  While I was waiting to be served, someone tapped me on the shoulder and to my surprise it was one of my neighbours who lives across the road from me. We chatted for a bit while he was waiting to be served. we were sitting at separate tables, he said see ya later as he left and ? and I left a bit later.  As ? parked the car at home, I noticed I didn't have my shoulder bag hung across my body (as I do) and we had to go back to the shop.  I had a feeling of panic wash over me and thought I would have to cancel my cards ect...and what a palaver that would have been. As we approached the shop, again I had the feeling of panic and weakness wash over me and thinking someone had clearly taken my bag with all my personal things inside.  Luckily the lady who served me had put my bag behind the counter waiting for me to collect it. I was so very lucky that no-one had taken it because, I had all my cards and other important things in my bag. I felt so grateful that  I had gotten my bag back. I really thought I had lost everything...phew, what a narrow escape that was.I don't usually take my bag off my person but, if I'm eating out I do take it off and leave it in my sight but, this time I had left it on the seat next to me. For the rest of the day, I stayed in the same room ? and in-stead of going to my room to watch my TV, I stayed close by and watched TV on my laptop with my ear-phones on while ? watched his horse-racing.  Above is me holding my daughter Sheila and my son Gary in front of me and ? by my side.  I was expecting my son 'A' at the time.  The Greyhound is Trotter we used to race him at a flapping track ( a flapping track is when you don't have a licence to race at licenced tracks like Romford or Wimbledom or Yarmouth. Horse-racing drives me nuts ( even greyhound racing I have no real interest in unless its our own dogs and even then it bores me). I've had it day in and day out since early 1970. I just can't stand it, that's why I go to my room and watch TV a lot.  Oh well, got to leave it here.