I am a lot better in myself today and the sun is shining. The last few days have been like I'm living in a cloud, or a storm of anxiety and with evil thoughts and feelings.
I also get bad feelings, like nerves churning my stomach over and then anxiousness, shaky weakness and I feel worried all the time. The latter is with me constantly.
I am finding I can't seem to control these feelings like I used to do. I feel so tired and fatigued every day, sometimes painfully fatigued and most nights, that's without all my ailments I have to deal with. I take my medications, sometime I do miss some because I forget as I have memory issues...a lot.
I feel so lonely and lost at times, even though I prefer my own company. I go and rest most afternoons on top of my bed until the fatigue eases away.
For a long time now I feel that my family have been drifting away. I think its because I am old and a lot of people/family don't want to know about old people. The only time I seem to see anyone is if they want something, want me to do something or they want money, other than that I am no use to them. No-one seems to want to know how I am or anything...Anyway that's my thoughts and feeling on the matter!
Sometimes, just sometimes, I think to myself, I will be glad when I'm gone, out of it! And, then again I think again, I think I should go into residential housing where I could be near people of my own age and get help if I need it. Or, is this all just my imagination taking me over!?? This lost or bottomless feeling of depression.
No comments:
Post a Comment