Intimidated and Patronised...

These are my thoughts and feelings that are tearing me up inside 
I'm being intimidated and patronised by people who are close to me and have been for years. I just feel so lost and worthless because what ever I say or do, I am wrong, I feel like I'm being controlled and I feel like I'm going mad at times. Why do people do this to another person!? I don't seem to have a mind of my own. I feel so awful and don't know what to do about it. If I could just run away from all of this intimidation I would. I feel like a puppet being controlled, yes, that is what its like, a puppet. I would run away if I could but, I don't know what to do or where to start...I feel so alone. If this isn't mental cruelty, I don't know what it is. I really hate the people around me at times for doing this to me.
I have seriously thought about ending my life, not because of illnesses, because of being over ruled and being made to feel worthless of myself. I just want it all to stop. 
Sometimes I think awful thoughts and wish one person in particular would die then I would be free. This person is just like his father controlling other people.
I know that is bad of me to say this but, that is how I am thinking, not that I would do anything to hurt another person myself though because I wouldn't do that, its not on my nature to do or say bad about anyone.
All of this scares me because I don't want to do or think of anything bad, I just want to be left alone and run my own life. Its not a lot to ask, is it!??
I feel that I am in a lot of trouble because of being intimidated into doing and lying about things and I am getting anxiety attacks over it all, and I am being patronised over that too.
I know its not me at fault here because what ever I've been told to say or do is not what I would do. But saying that, when its your name is at the front of anything then that is the person who gets blamed for anything that is wrong. 
I don't talk to neighbors like I want to do, I just say hello and that is that. My whole life has been wasted because of intimation and being patronised.