Thursday, 8 January 2015

Christmas and New Year Is Over and now turmoil...

Well, Christmas and New Year is over and as I reflect over the last few months, nothing has changed.

"A" came round on the 5th November ( I haven't seen him since I got an injunction on him to stay away December 2011) Anyway, he was crying when he came round. "A" said sorry to "?" for all the trouble he has caused him, especially during the last few years where he had destroyed "?" financially and tried to get him in trouble with the authorities too which he has done and is now going through a tribunal."A" had been arrested sometime soon after 5th November and is now in Pentonville Prison awaiting sentence in April, not sure what for though because no-one is saying why or anything. All we are hearing is rumours and not sure which one is true or false. What ever he has done nothing will surprise any of us. I really hope it isn't as bad as what is going through my mind right now. 

Jade is back with her mother "L" now and will behaving the social services round sometime today to bring paper work with her so Jade can legally stay with "L".
I've had no-one to talk to about any of this before so, I rang my cousin "V" last night and told her about it as her nephew Adam was the same as "A" in and out of prison (he actually committed suicide while inside serving life in prison) I don't know

(I don't know what happened above, the writing has gone all funny)
 what will become of "A" because he could also be looking at life if what has come to my ears is true, I do hope not. 
My cousin "V" said only last night that I/we all should wash my hands of him and, she is right. 
If "A" gets life, it would just kill me because I have still got a lot of feelings for "A", my son even though I hadn't seen him for a long time but, I feel I must stay away from him and I am also thinking, what if "A" commits suicide inprison too like Adam, how could I ever forgive myself and the awful thoughts and feelings that goes with all of that. 
I know its easy for anyone else to say don't have any more to do with "A" but, he is my son after all and after all the misery he has caused me and everyone else too...Its going to be hard for me to actually deal with this because although I hadn't seen "A" for such a long time, he has always been in my thoughts even though he has said and done many bad things in his life. I did hope he would have changed his ways as he had been out of prison for about 7 years

I won't be sending him any money any more not like I used to do and feel I won't be going to visit him either. My life and, other members of my families whole lives have been surrounding more! Its just not fair on any of us, it was like we were in prison too over the years he was inside.

Oh "A" what ever have you done this time? Please don't let it be anything really bad, anything worse than you've ever done that is.

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Photos of Mathieu Olin